There's a New Ministry in Vice City: The Juvan Resurrection
There's a new ministry in Vice City. The Minister, Juvan of the Juvan Resurrection, has set up shop, and his church has no walls, no pews and no dress code for the soul. Two weeks before Grand Theft Auto VI arrives, Leonida's loudest preacher is already taking calls.
Meet the Minister
You'll know him when you see him: a tall black pompadour, tortoiseshell glasses, a white suit stitched in gold, a purple shirt, gold chains with a big J medallion, and a microphone he never puts down. He looks like a Vice City televangelist. He preaches like a friend.
His message is simple: resurrection is not a single miracle, it's a daily practice. It's getting back up after a loss, a failure, or just one hell of a Tuesday. Or one bad heist. "Doubt has a seat here," he likes to say. "So does laughter."
A Church Without Walls
The Juvan Resurrection doesn't have a building. It doesn't need one. The congregation gathers from wherever it happens to be, because community should not depend on geography. Everyone who walks in is already welcome: no test of faith, no prerequisite of certainty, sinners especially.
Video Mass, from anywhere
Services happen face to face over video. Pull up a chair from your couch, your car or your safehouse at juvanresurrection.org/attend. It runs in your web browser or in the free Jitsi Meet app for iPhone and Android, and the Ministry runs it on its own servers. Can't make the live one? Write the Minister and he'll open the doors at a time that suits you.
Confessions by Phone, or as the Minister calls it, RemotePenance
Got something to get off your chest? Call the Vice City line at (786) 751-2600 and press 2. After the angels sing, you'll get the confession line. What you say goes to the Minister alone, and it never goes up on any wall. The Minister calls it RemotePenance: all of the unburdening, none of the kneeling.
The rest of the Vice City line, while you're there:
- Press 1 for the message of the day, a different word from the Minister every day.
- Press 3 to speak to the Minister himself.
- Press 4 for Vice City Tech Support.
- Text the line and your shout-out goes up on the Shout Out Wall.
The sins that need cleansing
The Minister didn't come to Vice City for the weather. He came because Leonida is, in his words, "the most target-rich environment for redemption on God's green Earth." Before November 19, he has named the sins he expects to hear about most on the confession line, and the RemotePenance for each.
1. Grand Theft (Auto)
It's in the title, brethren, and that's no excuse. You will take a car that isn't yours. You'll probably take several.
RemotePenance: return one car a day to the curb, undented, with the radio left on a station the owner might actually like.
2. Reckless driving on the Vice City causeways
The red light is a suggestion only in your heart, not in the law.
RemotePenance: one full lap of Vice City at the speed limit, stopping for pedestrians. All of them.
3. Griefing in online sessions
Blowing up a stranger's delivery van while they're one minute from the drop-off isn't strategy. It's cruelty with extra steps.
RemotePenance: help the next stranger you meet finish their job, and don't ask for a cut.
4. Rage-quitting mid-heist
Your crew trusted you with the getaway car. You trusted the power button.
RemotePenance: stay to the end of three heists in a row, including the one where everything goes wrong. That's the one that builds character.
5. Spreading fake leaks
Passing off an AI-made "map leak" or a recycled 2022 clip as the real thing is bearing false witness with a hashtag. The Minister has read the Leaks & Fakes page and he knows what you did.
RemotePenance: before you share, check the source. If it isn't from Rockstar, say so.
6. Falling for pre-order scams
Not a sin so much as a wound, but it needs cleansing all the same. "Early access" keys, "beta" invites and too-good-to-be-true bundles are how scammers rob the faithful.
RemotePenance: buy only from the official stores, and tell one friend to do the same.
7. Spoiling the story
Some of the congregation will finish the story in a weekend. Some will take a month. Posting the ending in the group chat on day two is a sin against community.
RemotePenance: spoiler tags, always, for the first month.
8. Forgetting the pre-load
Up to 212 GB, brethren. Digital pre-load opens Tuesday, November 10. The faithful clear their drives in advance; the lost are still downloading on launch night.
RemotePenance: delete three games you haven't touched in a year, and let go.
"None of these sins makes you a bad person," the Minister says. "They make you a person in Vice City. Confess them, laugh about them, and get back in the car. Resurrection is a daily practice, and in Leonida, so is respawning."
Find Redemption
Meet the Minister at gta6vc.us/minister, or tap the chat button on any page of gta6vc.us and ask him anything about GTA VI. He knows his launch dates. The Ministry itself lives at juvanresurrection.org, where prayers and praise texted to the church line rise on the Wall of Praise.
Be in peace, brethren.
gta6vc.us and Vice Signal are an unofficial fan site, not affiliated with Rockstar Games or Take-Two Interactive.